CANBERRA – The Minister for Immigration and Multicultural Affairs has confirmed that demonstrating “good character” for entry to Australia now includes a willingness to autograph high‑tech explosives.
“We’re a generous nation” Tony Burke told reporters, unveiling a glossy brochure featuring Israeli president Isaac Herzog beaming next to a freshly signed missile. “We don’t just welcome people – we welcome their enthusiastic support for precision-guided democracy.”
Applicants will be asked a series of questions, including:
- “Have you ever signed a fighter jet bomb with a jaunty message?”
- “If not, would you be open to it in a culturally sensitive setting?”
- “Do you promise never to upload a YouTube video calmly asking what the hell is going on?”
Burke clarified that mere opposition to war does not automatically disqualify a person. “You can oppose war in general” he said, “so long as you’re comfortable with our bombs and deeply suspicious of anyone who sounds like Candace Owens.”
Under the scheme, applicants who post critical political commentary online will be fast‑tracked straight to the “Character Concerns” pile, while anyone seen happily Sharpie‑ing ordnance headed vaguely in the direction of the Gaza Strip automatically receives 20 bonus points for “shared values”.
“This is about protecting multicultural harmony” Burke said. “Nothing brings people together like agreeing that the real threat is a woman with a webcam, not the guy autographing explosives.”
Discover more from Indigenous News
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
