Corporates Hit 100% Reconciliation Targets Without Leaving Boardroom

SYDNEY – A major corporation has proudly announced it has “fully embedded Indigenous reconciliation across all key deliverables” after completing an 80‑page Reconciliation Action Plan no one outside the marketing team has read.

“Our RAP is industry‑leading” said the CEO, standing in front of a dot‑pattern graphic designed by an intern named Brad. “It proves we’re serious about change, in a very conceptual sense.”

The plan includes ambitious goals like:

• “Explore opportunities to maybe talk to Indigenous people about employment one day.”
• “Investigate cultural competency training subject to budget, staff interest and planetary alignment.”
• “Develop an internal yarning circle, pending discovery of what that actually means.”

Asked if any Indigenous people were paid to help write the document, the CEO smiled. “We had a great chat with someone once at a conference. Their wisdom lives in these pages.”

Meanwhile, the company continues operating on stolen land, sponsoring a reconciliation breakfast once a year and calling it even.

One Aboriginal staff member, who requested anonymity, summed it up neatly:

“They’ve got an action plan, yeah. We’re still waiting for the action part.”