Following an embarrassing data breach, Qantas unveiled its revolutionary “Acknowledgement of Data Loss” – a symbolic statement to be read aloud before customers log into their compromised accounts.
Echoing its popular but-entirely symbolic land acknowledgements, the airline assures passengers this gesture “does absolutely nothing to help”, making it perfectly consistent with the company’s longstanding approach to Indigenous issues.
CEO Vanessa Hudson proudly introduced the new policy:
“In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge the traditional custodians of your stolen personal data, the cyber criminals… and pay respects to their advanced hacking skills.”
Customers praised the initiative’s remarkable consistency.
“It’s comforting to know Qantas treats stolen data just like stolen land” said one frequent flyer.
“Acknowledging wrongdoing without actually fixing anything – now that’s real reconciliation!”
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