Karl Stefanovic Declares Himself “Free” For Second Time In A Week, Raising Questions About How Many Freedoms One Man Can Reasonably Have

Researchers have identified a remarkable inverse relationship in the case of Karl Stefanovic, whereby his personal freedom rises in exact proportion to the jobs, contracts and platforms he loses — a phenomenon they’ve named the Law of Conservation of Vibes.

“The data’s unambiguous…” explained a scientist. “TV job lost: freedom up. Radio job lost: freedom up again. Extrapolating the curve, once he loses absolutely everything, he’ll reach a state of perfect, weightless liberation and simply float off into the sky, tweeting as he goes.”

The findings confirm Stefanovic is currently the freest he has ever been, and getting freer by the sacking.

“Makes sense, hey…” said Bardi man Joel, delighted. “The less he’s got, the freer he reckons he is. By that maths, our mob should be the freest people on Earth — they took the lot.” He caught the dark edge and kept it light. “Nah, that’s the difference, cuz. When he loses a millionaire gig, it’s ‘a blessing, truly independent.’ When we lost everything, it wasn’t a vibe. It was policy.”

Joel waved it off cheerfully. “Anyway. Enjoy the weightlessness, Karl. Give us a wave on the way up.” He grinned. “Nah. Gammon. Freefall, more like.”