Aboriginal Aunty Diagnoses Tommy Robinson From Across The Lounge Room, No Medicare Card Required

A Wiradjuri Aunty has stunned the international medical community after correctly diagnosing English far-right identity Tommy Robinson in 0.4 seconds, from her couch, during an ad break, with a cup of tea going cold in her hand.

“Charged up” said Aunty Bev, not looking away from the screen. “Look at him go. Wiping, sniffing, talking too fast about nothing. I raised six kids and forty foster ones, love. I can spot a charged-up fella from the carpark of the Knockout.”

Aunty Bev’s diagnostic method (known in some circles as “having two working eyes”) required no scans, no referral and no twelve-week waitlist. She also identified, without prompting, two uncles at the back of the room, a referee, and a bloke three doors down she’s never met.

European specialists, who had spent a fortnight ruling out ryegrass, reportedly flew Aunty Bev to London for consultation. She agreed on the condition they cover her a feed and listen to one (1) story about her late husband, which ran ninety minutes and was, by all accounts, deadly.

“They kept saying ‘hayfever, hayfever…'” Aunty Bev said. “I said bub, the only thing he’s allergic to is getting caught. Nah, just gammon — he knows.”