Liberal Party Discovers It Is Now A Minority; First Peoples Welcome Them With A Starter Pack And A Long, Knowing Look

The Liberal-National Coalition has sunk to a record-low primary vote of 20 per cent, formally joining the ranks of Australia’s minorities for the first time — a milestone First Nations people marked by extending a warm, faintly amused welcome.

“On behalf of the original minority: welcome” said Aunty Marlene Davis (of the Institute for Things Mob Already Knew) presenting Opposition Leader Angus Taylor with a symbolic starter pack. “Inside you’ll find a lanyard, a pamphlet titled ‘Nobody Is Listening To You,’ and a small mirror so you can practise the face you make when the powerful talk straight over the top of you. Ours has been in the family since 1788. Bit worn now.”

Asked how minority life was settling in, Aunty Marlene was reassuring. “The first decade’s the hardest, bub. You’ll keep expecting your concerns to matter, and they won’t, and that’s the adjustment. Eventually you stop waiting for the press conference that’s actually about you. Saves the heart.”

She noted the party seemed stunned to be outnumbered and overruled. “They ran this country for most of its modern life. Made the rules — plenty of them about us. Now they’re on 20 per cent and outraged that 20 per cent doesn’t get to decide things. Mate. Welcome. That’s the entire experience. We’ve been about 3 per cent of the population the whole time, and somehow managed without the catastrophe siren.”

“Hang in there” she added. “Builds character, apparently. Deadly.”