Australia Proves It Isn’t Racist By Preparing To Elect The Redhead

Australia has emphatically rebutted decades of accusations about racism this week, with polling showing 33 per cent of voters now prefer Pauline Hanson as Prime Minister, ahead of Anthony Albanese on 29 — proof (commentators say) that a member of the nation’s most persecuted minority can rise to the very top.

“You can’t call us racist” said one talkback caller. “We’re about to hand the country to a ranga. Do you know what they go through? Sunburn. Jokes about souls. Can’t sit near a window… and we’re prepared to look past all that.”

Aunty Marlene Davis (of the Institute for Things Mob Already Knew) welcomed the breakthrough cautiously. “Beautiful. A redhead leading the polls. Truly we are a tolerant people” she said. “Meanwhile the actual oldest minority on this continent (sixty-five thousand years deep) has led precisely nothing…. Not the polls. Not a department. Not the canteen roster.”

“But sure” she added. “Rangas. That’s the oppression we’ve decided to overcome. Deadly progress, that. Wake me when the discrimination we’re forgiving isn’t a sunburn.”

One Nation’s primary vote hit 29 per cent, its highest ever. Aunty Marlene noted the irony was “doing more heavy lifting than the entire Coalition”, which she conceded “wasn’t actually that much”…