One Nation Proudly Backs Team Made Entirely Of The Stuff They Want Less Of

In a stunning display of patriotism, One Nation has thrown its full support behind the Socceroos — a squad assembled almost entirely from the migration, multiculturalism and dual heritage the party has spent thirty years warning us about.

“Beautiful to see, eh…” said Aunty Glenda, watching the boys pile on in green and gold. “All these fellas whose families came from everywhere, and suddenly they’re ‘one of us.’ Funny how that works the minute someone scores.”

Party insiders confirmed the Socceroos are exactly the Australia they dream of: united, diverse, and absolutely full of names they couldn’t pronounce at the citizenship ceremony. Strategists are reportedly thrilled the team “represents real Aussie values,” apparently unaware those values were carried here in suitcases.

Meanwhile, the actual First Nations of this continent (all five hundred or so, give or take a treaty that never came) watched on with the calm of a people who’ve heard “one nation” before and counted at least a few hundred.

“True God, we love the footy” said Uncle Baz. “Just reckon if you’re gonna cheer for a team built on people from everywhere, maybe go easy on the people from everywhere the rest of the week, unna.”

At press time, One Nation had claimed the meat pie, despite it being objectively a colonised pasty.