The NRL announced this week it was “shocked, shooketh and shook” to learn gambling had somehow infiltrated rugby league, a sport currently held together by betting logos, betting ads and a halftime segment where a man yells odds at children.
“We had no idea” said a league spokesperson, speaking from a podium sponsored by three bookmakers and a fourth bookmaker disguised as a meat pie company.
Aunty Deb, a Bundjalung commentator and undefeated card player since 1974, said mob across the country were struggling to process the news. “We get put on a cashless welfare card so we can’t buy a scratchie… but the ref can drop four hundred grand on the dish lickers and keep the whistle? Deadly. Real consistent, that.”
The league reportedly knew about the issue since 2019 but decided to monitor the situation, an approach also known as “the Australian Government method.”
“Look, we take integrity seriously” the spokesperson continued, as a blimp shaped like a same-game multi floated past. “That’s why we waited seven years. Integrity takes time.”
At press time, the NRL confirmed it would launch a full review, with odds of meaningful change paying $34.
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