Hanson Insists She Listens to All Australians, Releases List of All Australians: “Gina”

One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has hit back at claims billionaire donor Gina Rinehart influences party policy, insisting she listens to “everyone” before producing a laminated list of everyone, which contained one name and a private jet tail number.

“I talk to all people” Hanson explained. “The gas industry, a lawyer and a woman worth $40 billion who happens to fund my party. Ordinary battlers, basically…”

Local Wiradjuri aunty Denise Carter said she was thrilled to learn the senator’s door was open to all. “Deadly! We’ve had a meeting request in since 1788. We’ll bring a cut lunch. Should we wear hi-vis so she knows we’re real Australians?”

Carter said she briefly considered donating to secure a policy chat but discovered her pension didn’t stretch to the minimum buy-in. “Turns out ‘please explain’ costs about $26 million these days. Back in my day you could get ignored by a politician for free.”

At press time, Hanson confirmed her vision for Australia remained entirely her own, reading directly from a napkin marked “iron ore goes brrr.”