Housing crisis solved after funding finally finds safest place – near a councillor

NSW Aboriginal housing officials have reassured communities that a major housing funding announcement going to a councillor-linked Local Aboriginal Land Council is purely coincidental, like rain only falling on one bloke’s yard while everyone else is still carrying buckets.

The announcement reportedly delivered excitement, hope and several hundred raised eyebrows across the Land Rights network, particularly among the ten nearby LALCs still waiting for their own housing miracle to arrive by horse, fax or ceremonial procurement process.

“This proves the system works” said a fictional spokesperson standing beside a giant novelty cheque. “Funding has successfully reached a community. We never said which one.”

Local aunties said they were impressed by the strategic targeting.

“Back in the day, we called that looking after your own” one Aunty said. “Now it’s called regional delivery, governance alignment and stakeholder synergy. Same stew, more paperwork.”

Officials denied there was any issue with perceived conflict, explaining the assessment process had been carefully designed so nobody could see it properly.

Other LALCs have been encouraged to remain patient and continue submitting housing proposals, preferably with stronger attachments, clearer budgets and one councillor-shaped appendix.