One Nation Leadership Workshop Finds Prime Minister Job May Include Reading Folder

One Nation has reportedly convened an emergency leadership workshop after discovering the prime minister’s job may involve more than saying “common sense” into microphones until Canberra gets nervous.

The session, held in a conference room labelled “Government Experience, Except Barnaby”, covered difficult topics including programs, agencies, budgets, laws, and what to do when a journalist asks a follow-up question about something that already exists.

“Our research indicates the prime minister must occasionally know the name of a scheme before abolishing it” said a party strategist. “This is not impossible… but it does create unnecessary red tape around being angry.”

Participants were asked to practise opening briefing folders without blaming migration, the ABC, halal certification or a First Nation – visible only in their mind…

A mock cabinet exercise was abandoned after several members attempted to answer every question with “Australians are fed up”, which facilitators conceded was polling well but failed to pass a bill through the Senate.

First Nations policy staff watching from the back said the whole thing felt familiar.

“Governments have been making decisions about us without reading the folder for years” one said. “At least this mob made it a workshop.”