Coalition Told To Respect One Nation Or Continue Enjoying Opposition, Whichever Hurts More

CANBERRA – One Nation MP Barnaby Joyce has issued the Coalition a formal respect notice, advising his former colleagues they may choose between working with One Nation or pursuing the bold electoral strategy of losing politely.

Joyce argued the conservative side had little hope without One Nation preferences, a statement received warmly by everyone who enjoys watching political chickens return home carrying how-to-vote cards.

“For years the Coalition treated One Nation as a dangerous fringe, a useful preference bucket, a protest vote and a place to borrow slogans from…” said one analyst. “Unfortunately all four have now asked for rent.”

Coalition officials said they were considering the request carefully, though several were still in shock at being threatened by a political force they had previously described as both unelectable and essential to winning.

First Nations commentators said the word “respect” had taken another strange turn in Australian politics.

“When we ask for respect, they demand audits, proof and bipartisan caution” one community organiser said. “When Barnaby asks, suddenly it is a pathway to government.”

One Nation said it would continue seeking respect, preferably in the form of lower-house seats, Senate leverage and a Coalition that answers when called.