NEW YORK CITY / CANBERRA – In a development described by Australian repatriation advocates as “actually quite cheeky” New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani has indicated he intends to ask King Charles III to return the Koh-i-Noor diamond when the monarch visits the September 11 Memorial.
The royal couple toured Washington DC, New York City and Virginia from 27 to 30 April as part of a state visit timed to the 250th anniversary of the United States telling the British Crown to get stuffed.
The King reportedly gifted President Trump a bell from a ship called HMS Trump, which somehow exists. Trump reportedly gifted the King a $50,000 etched-glass dish full of presidential energy. Mamdani, by contrast, brought a research file about a 105.6-carat diamond extracted from the Punjab in 1849 and handed to Queen Victoria as part of the East India Company’s most successful product launch.
“This artefact, this object, is not just an artefact, but rather a symbol of empire and the destruction it wreaks” Mamdani reportedly said in his prepared remarks.
Australian Indigenous repatriation advocates were last seen Googling “how to be Mayor.”
“Eya the bloke just walks up and asks for the diamond back” said Aunty Marlene, a Cultural Heritage Repatriation Coordinator. “Imagine if our Lord Mayors did that with the Gweagal shield. Or the Tasmanian remains in the British Museum. Or anything in any UK museum collection that was acquired between 1788 and 1965 – which is most of it, technically…”
Australian Indigenous artefacts in British institutions are estimated to number in the tens of thousands. The British Museum alone holds approximately 6,000 Aboriginal items. Most have not been returned. Most have not been requested through any process diplomatic enough to register as protocol.
Asked whether Australia might consider asking King Charles for the return of First Nations cultural property during any future royal visit, an unnamed Department spokesperson replied “we have a robust ongoing dialogue framework” and excused themselves to attend a Reconciliation Action Plan launch.
The King reportedly told Mamdani he would “give the matter all due consideration,” which in royal English means “no, but politely.”
The crown got worn. The diamond got kept. The Indigenous artefacts still got loaned back to us for special exhibitions.
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