AFL Launches Fresh Plan To Investigate Why First Nations Talent Enjoys Playing Footy More Than AFL Culture

MELBOURNE, VIC – The AFL has expressed concern over falling First Nations numbers at the elite level, prompting a fresh round of astonishment that Aboriginal talent cannot, in fact, be retained through slogans alone.

League officials say they are examining incentives, pathways and club environments, which experts describe as positive first steps in the long and courageous journey of admitting players might prefer workplaces that are not weird about them. “We need to understand the experience better” one generic football office said, bravely ignoring the fact that mob has been explaining it in plain language for years.

The issue has confused some commentators, who remain convinced the problem can be solved by one more guernsey design, a nice pre-game dance and a documentary voice-over about legacy. Others have suggested clubs try the radical intervention of employing more Aboriginal people in positions of power before discovering another teenager and calling the system fixed.

Community figures noted there is no shortage of talent… there is, however, an ongoing shortage of environments that don’t require Blackfullas to be cultural educators, emotional support officers and match-winners all before half-time.

At deadline, several clubs were believed to be reviewing their inclusivity settings by asking whether a mural in the players’ lounge counts as governance.