Matildas Beat North Korea 2-1 – Sam Kerr Scores and the Whole Community Claims Her

PERTH – Following Sam Kerr’s match-winning performance in the Matildas’ 2-1 Asian Cup quarter-final win over North Korea every Indigenous Australian has suddenly remembered they are related to her. ⚽

“Sam? Yeah nah she’s my cousin’s cousin. Mob from way back” said self-appointed relative Craig Dalton from Broome who has absolutely no connection to the Chelsea star.

The Matildas qualified for the 2027 World Cup with the win. Kerr scored one goal and set up another. Craig said he always knew she’d be good. “I saw her kick a footy at a family barbecue once. Well it might not have been her. But it was definitely someone’s barbecue.”

North Korea dominated possession with 21 shots but goalkeeper Mackenzie Arnold kept them out. Craig reckons Arnold is also mob. “Pretty sure she’s from round here. Her nan might’ve been from Broome. Or maybe Bunbury. Somewhere with a B.” 😅

The community gathered around the TV at the local rec centre to watch the match. “There were more people watching that game than turn up to the community meeting about water quality” noted community coordinator Linda.

Kerr told reporters the crowd got them over the line. Craig was emotional. “That’s us bro. We got them over the line. Sitting on a couch 3,000 kilometres away eating Twisties. But we were there in spirit.”

At press time Craig had updated his Facebook bio to “Proud cousin of Sam Kerr (unconfirmed).”