Government Lowers Fuel Standards – Local Mob Says “We’ve Been Getting the Dirty Stuff for Years”

REGIONAL AUSTRALIA – The federal government has announced it will temporarily lower fuel quality standards for 60 days to divert dirtier high-sulphur petrol into the domestic market. Indigenous communities in remote Australia have responded with a collective shrug. 🤷

“High-sulphur fuel? Bro we’ve been paying $4 a litre for stuff that smells like it was filtered through an old thong since forever” said Tommy Williams from a remote community.

Energy Minister Chris Bowen said the move would inject 100 million extra litres per month into the supply chain. Tommy did some quick maths. “100 million litres divided by how many communities out here that have been paying double the city price for decades equals we still don’t care because nothing changes for us.”

The decision came after rural and regional service stations reported shortages due to panic buying. Tommy said his community servo ran out of fuel last month too. “But that wasn’t news. That was just a Tuesday.”

Farmers have warned food prices could rise by 50 per cent. Tommy pointed out that his local store already charges $9 for a loaf of bread. “Fifty per cent more? That’s just Tuesday turning into Wednesday.”

The ACCC has warned fuel companies against price gouging. Tommy laughed. “Someone should tell the mob running our community store. They’ve been gouging since dial-up internet.” 😤

At press time the government assured Australians the situation was temporary. Tommy said “temporary” was his least favourite government word right after “consultation.”