NT Government Announces Bold New Protest Strategy: “Arrest First, Ask What It Was About Later”

DARWIN – Authorities have confirmed a protester was arrested outside NT Parliament during official proceedings, in what the government has praised as “a healthy sign of democracy working efficiently and on schedule”.

Witnesses say the scene unfolded quickly, with security moving in the moment a citizen displayed the dangerous civic behaviour known as having a point in public.

A government spokesperson said the Territory “welcomes robust debate” and remains committed to “listening to community voices”, provided those voices are delivered via email, in 12-point Times New Roman, during business hours and preferably as a compliment.

The spokesperson added that Parliament “takes concerns seriously” and has already ordered an urgent review into why members were forced to briefly acknowledge the existence of the public.

To prevent future disruptions, the NT Government has proposed a new initiative: Designated Democracy Zones, located 4.7 kilometres from Parliament, behind a fence, near the bins, with a complimentary whistle-return policy.

“In the Territory we value free speech” the spokesperson said. “That’s why we’ve made it safer by keeping it contained.”

At press time, officials confirmed the swearing-in proceeded without further incident, apart from a minor disturbance when someone asked what the Administrator actually does.