Peace talks involving Russia and Ukraine continued today, with negotiators arriving in serious faces and leaving with the same serious faces, suggesting consistency remains the only agreed outcome.
Officials said the agenda focused on ceasefire mechanisms, humanitarian arrangements, and the ongoing challenge of defining words like “security,” “sovereignty” and “temporary” without anyone laughing.
Observers reported both sides expressed willingness to find a path forward, provided the path is forward in their preferred direction and paved with guarantees that can’t be guaranteed.
A spokesperson for the mediation team said the talks were “positive”, citing a “notable reduction in table-tapping and a strong commitment to not walking out until at least the cameras had left.”
Negotiators also trialled a new confidence-building measure where both sides share one packet of biscuits without making a statement about the biscuits’ historical ownership.
The meeting concluded with plans for further discussions… and a reminder that diplomatic progress is a marathon, except marathons usually end somewhere.
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