Government Unveils Indigenous Strategy, Confirms It Will Live Forever And Therefore Never Finish

CANBERRA – A new Indigenous strategy has been launched with strong language, stronger branding, and the strongest possible commitment to flexibility, after officials confirmed the document will be “living”, meaning it can’t be held to a specific end date.

The announcement featured a glossy rollout, a refreshed logo, and a soundbite about “walking together”, which observers described as promising until the walk was revealed to be a stationary treadmill in a committee room.

Departments say the strategy will focus on practical outcomes, supported by evidence, partnership and “continuous improvement”. Insiders say “continuous improvement” is the phase where everyone agrees the last plan didn’t work, but nobody is allowed to say why…

A spokesperson for the Minister’s office said the strategy is “ambitious and measurable”. “We’ll be tracking key indicators closely,” they said. “Especially the number of stakeholder engagements achieved per quarter and the reduction of uncomfortable questions at press conferences.”

Community-controlled organisations welcomed the rhetoric, while asking if it comes with recurring funding or just another round of “capacity-building” workshops where mob teach government how to do the job government already has a budget for.

The launch concluded with a promise of regular updates, delivered through a national dashboard that will go live as soon as someone finds a contractor who can build a website that doesn’t crash when you type “accountability”.