High Court Asked To Decide Between Sacred Water And Lettuce Farm With Really Ambitious Spreadsheet

Native title holders have launched a High Court challenge to the Northern Territory’s biggest ever groundwater licence, arguing that draining an ancient desert aquifer for a mega‑farm might (in hindsight) be “a bit thirsty”.

The licence allows a private company to pump enough water each year to fill Sydney Harbour twice.. or supply approximately three outback golf resorts and one very determined avocado.

Traditional Owners say the plan risks drying up sacred sites and community bores, while the Territory insists there are “robust safeguards”, including a colour‑coded risk matrix and a promise to “check the taps every now and then”.

A spokesperson for the Department of Unbelievably Large Licences said the project would bring jobs and growth.

“Some of these jobs will even last more than one harvest” they said. “And if the water runs out, we’ll proudly support local communities to transition into new opportunities in dust management.”

Experts warn that over‑extraction could take centuries to repair… but the company’s modelling assumes the aquifer will politely refill itself once it realises there’s an export market involved.

Local aunties have suggested a compromise where the government simply leaves the water in the ground and creates jobs by paying politicians to dig metaphorical holes for themselves instead.