Australians Confident Nation Not Racist, Just Coincidentally Can’t Imagine Blak Prime Minister

A new opinion poll has revealed most Australians believe an Indigenous person will not become prime minister in their lifetime, citing “the vibe” and “just how things are” as key constitutional documents.

The survey found voters were more likely to believe in aliens, miracle diets and a fair NRL draw than in a First Nations leader moving into The Lodge.

At a leadership camp for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander students, teenagers calmly continued planning to run the country anyway, in between maths homework and trying to log into dodgy school Wi‑Fi.

Scholarship coordinators say the students already outperform the national average in graduation rates, volunteering and politely pretending not to notice when adults say “I don’t see colour” while clearly seeing the whole NAIDOC shirt.

A spokesperson for the Department of Low Expectations welcomed the poll.

“It’s important we manage community hopes responsibly” they said. “If expectations of an Indigenous PM get too high, we might actually have to change who gets preselected in safe seats… and nobody wants that sort of instability.”

In focus groups, some respondents worried an Indigenous prime minister might “favour their own people”, a concern experts described as “adorable” given Australia’s 200‑year trial of the alternative.

Back at the camp, one student said the poll didn’t bother him. “If half the country reckons it’ll never happen”, he shrugged, “they clearly haven’t met my nan. She already running this place from the lounge room.”