‘We Cover Everything, Except Anything You Might Actually Need’

A small Aboriginal media organisation has been politely declined by a major underwriting firm, after daring to ask whether defamation cover existed in the same universe as community journalism.

In an email, the insurer thanked them warmly for their enquiry before confirming the request “falls outside our guidelines” because it involved defamation, libel and slander – otherwise known as “talking back”.

“We love not‑for‑profits” the company clarified. “We’ll happily cover you for being struck by lightning while holding a ceremonial photocopier. But if you want protection for calling out racism or corruption, that sounds dangerously like free speech and we simply can’t have that on the books.”

The firm stressed it was not against accountability, just the legal costs that come with it.

“That’s why we focus on safe risks, like meteor strikes, spontaneous sinkholes and a surprise visit from the Prime Minister” the spokesperson said. “Those things never happen, so premiums stay nice and cheap.”

The media group is now exploring alternative options, including crowdfunding, mutual aid and simply writing the words “This Is Satire, Please Relax” across the top of every article.