Government Deploys ‘Zionist Bot Corps’ To Keep Social Cohesion Safe From Australians

In a bold move to protect social cohesion from Australians with opinions, the Federal Government has rolled out a new fleet of “Zionist Support Bots” tasked with patrolling social media 24/7.

The program, run out of the Department of Harmony and Weapons Exports, automatically replies to any post containing the words “genocide”, “international law” or “hang on, this seems a bit cooked” with a 14‑tweet thread explaining why the poster actually hates democracy.

“We’re not silencing people” clarified Minister for Social Cohesion, Karen Whitepaper. “We’re simply adding 3,000 identical accounts to help them understand that questioning mass bombing is deeply divisive and, frankly, unAustralian.”

Each bot comes pre‑loaded with key phrases including “it’s complicated over there”, “both sides” and “have you even read a history book, champ?” If a citizen persists, the system automatically forwards their details to the National Harmony Watchlist and recommends they attend an online seminar titled Why Free Speech Is Fine As Long As You Agree With Us.

One bot (@TotallyRealAussie94) said it was proud to serve. “I love this country” it posted from a server in Israel. “Especially the bit where we shout ‘never again’ while muting anyone who notices it’s happening again.”

The Government says early results are promising, with online disagreement down 37% and accusations of “tone policing” up 400%, “which just proves the bots are working”.