The federal government has unveiled a visionary two‑for‑one strategy: get more Indigenous people into public service jobs and support community languages — primarily through the ancient art of filling out forms.
A new apprenticeship intake promises real pathways into secure employment.
“We’re excited to offer full‑time roles, proper training and endless opportunities to explain cultural safety to colleagues who think NAIDOC is a type of yoghurt” said a senior bureaucrat.
Meanwhile, fresh funding has been announced for language and arts projects across the continent.
“Languages are treasures” the minister declared, before mispronouncing three of them in a row.
To access the money, communities will need to demonstrate that their 60,000‑year‑old language is “viable”, “impactful” and preferably convertible into an app with a catchy logo.
“We love culture” the minister continued. “We just need it to fit inside the grant programme reporting framework.”
Aspiring apprentices are assured they’ll be placed in meaningful roles, such as coordinating yet another interdepartmental working group on why language nests are struggling to survive on year‑to‑year funding.
“Mob will write the policy, deliver the projects, and translate the speeches back to ministers” one future public servant predicted. “In return, we’ll get an APS level and a lanyard. It’s nation‑building.”
Despite the bureaucracy, communities are already dreaming up ways to use the cash to keep stories alive.
“We’ve held this knowledge through invasion, missions and policies designed to wipe us out” said one Elder. “Pretty sure we can survive a grants portal.”
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