Declaring a “new era of sensitivity”, officials have begun removing references to genocide, land theft and climate change from national park signs, replacing them with a single, reassuring sentence: “Stuff Happened Here.”
Visitors to famous landmarks will no longer be burdened with context such as which Native nations were displaced, how many treaties were broken or why the river now runs the colour of a corporate logo.
“People come to the parks to relax,” a spokesperson for the Department of Historical Vibes said. “You start mentioning massacres and suddenly everyone’s looking awkward instead of buying commemorative fridge magnets.”
The new policy includes helpful, non‑confrontational phrasing. Sacred sites will be described as “formerly important camping spots”, forced removals become “relocation adventures”, and boarding schools are recast as “immersive cultural exchanges where one culture mysteriously vanished”.
Asked whether any tribal nations had been consulted, the spokesperson confirmed there had been extensive engagement.
“We sent an email to a generic address and are confident it was very empowering,” they said. “Besides, we’re honouring Native peoples by naming the gift shop after an English explorer who once saw them from a distance.”
Indigenous groups responded by launching their own unofficial signage, featuring radical ideas like dates, names and the phrase “This Was Someone’s Home Before It Was Your Scenic Selfie.”
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