Government Finally Notices Cathy Freeman Has Been Carrying Country Since 2000

The Australian Government has heroically caught up to what every Blak kid already knew, awarding Cathy Freeman a shiny new medal for being deadly for the last quarter of a century.

Officials say the Companion of the Order of Australia recognises her “service to athletics, youth, reconciliation and making the whole nation cry in 2000 and we’re still not over it”.

Sources in Canberra admitted the decision came after staff realised most of their major “national unity” campaigns are still just Cathy lighting that cauldron on repeat.

“We looked at the budget and realised every time we want people to feel good about this country, we just replay Cathy,” one adviser confessed. “It seemed cheaper to finally give her the big one.”

Freeman graciously accepted while gently reminding leaders that honouring an Aboriginal woman once a decade does not count as Closing the Gap.

“Thanks for the bling,” she reportedly said. “But if you mob could sort out housing, treaty and racism at Coles, that’d be even deadlier.”

In a touching gesture, the government also offered to name a piece of legislation after her. Unfortunately it was another bill expanding police powers, so she politely declined.