Government So Impressed With BoM Blowout It Hands Them Indigenous Affairs

Canberra has rewarded the Bureau of Meteorology’s $96.5 million website with an exciting new challenge: taking over Indigenous Affairs so it can “really scale up the overspending”.

A briefing note leaked from the Department outlines the logic.

“BoM has demonstrated an elite ability to consume vast sums while delivering products that technically function” the memo states. “These are precisely the skills required for Closing the Gap.”

Under the proposal, key Indigenous programs will be converted into clickable tabs.

The “Health” tab will open to a spinning wheel that eventually says, “Check back next Budget”.
The “Housing” tab will redirect to a live radar of mould growth in overcrowded homes.

A fictional senior official said the move was about “efficiency”.

“Instead of twelve departments ignoring mob, we’ll streamline it so just one website ignores them in real time” they explained.

Community leaders have cautiously endorsed the plan.

“At least with BoM, we know exactly how far the storm is and how long till it hits” one said. “Be good if we could track broken election promises the same way.”

The transition is expected to cost a further $200 million, mostly spent on consultants to choose whether the ‘Indigenous’ button should be blue or a slightly different blue.