CANBERRA – In a development that shocked precisely no one, a spontaneous conga line of congratulations formed on professional networking platforms the moment National Indigenous Australians Agency (NIAA) announced its brand‑new chief. Witnesses described the scene with awe:
“It was like New Year’s Eve… but with more adjectives.”
The conga (strictly compliant with the APS Code of Congenial Conduct) began the instant the post went live. First came the “Congratulations!” comments, then “Huge congratulations!”, then “Absolutely massive, earth‑shaking congratulations!” (which required a risk assessment due to potential plate tectonics). Reactions multiplied like compliance training modules and emojis – carefully procured under an approved panel – were deployed in precise ratios for optimal optics.
By mid‑arvo, the Line of Boot‑Lickers™ stretched from Barton to the nearest café with a sustainable oat‑milk contract. Senior observers confirmed the line was “organic”. though a helpful calendar reminder titled “Remember to Congratulate the New Boss (Compulsory)” raised eyebrows and attendance.
Public servants reported significant productivity gains from the new Praise-as-a-Service (PaaS) model, which integrates directly with HR’s Positive Sentiment Dashboard. The dashboard gamifies loyalty, awarding bonus leave for “visionary” and “trailblazing” synonyms and a commemorative lanyard for those who manage a classy humblebrag about “having worked with the incoming leader back in the day.”
Not to be outdone, consultants rushed to the scene with a Compliment Readiness Review.
For a modest fee (plus GST and “scope creep surcharge”) they promised to streamline future praise into a Single Complimenting Framework, ensuring Australia remains globally competitive in the race to say “Great news!” slightly faster than anyone else.
A junior analyst, speaking on background and behind a potted ficus, summed up the cultural moment:
“Look, mate, if the new overlord’s boots are shiny, it’s because we roll up early and buff them with evidence‑based enthusiasm… Also, I’ve been told HR reads the comments.”
As dusk fell and the line continued its slow shuffle of celebratory affirmation, one question lingered in the chilled Canberra air: Will any of this improve policy outcomes? Officials confirmed a review is underway – and that it will be robust, thorough and above all, congratulatory.
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Pathetic article. Instead of a leader with passion and respect for others, would you prefer more of the old school leadership that contributed to events like robodebt for example. ?
Bootlicking? We don’t do leader‑pleasing; we do leader‑teasing… one needs polish, the other needs wit.
If you came looking for passionate master‑pleasing, the gift shop’s down the hall. This is the comedy section.