Points stack faster if you sign a deed of silence and don’t ask questions.
In a surprise pivot towards customer service innovation, the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) has launched a Loyalty Rewards Program – offering incentives for agencies that proactively prevent complaints from ever reaching ICAC’s inbox.
Under the new scheme, departments that successfully settle complaints out of sight, preferably with non-disclosure agreements, receive points redeemable for coffee, cake or even early release from audit obligations.
“The system’s simple” said an ICAC administrator…
“One blocked complaint = one point. Five complaints and you’re eligible for a Corruption-Prevention Platinum Pass, which comes with a free latte and an annual review exemption.”
Critics argue that the scheme encourages corruption rather than exposing it… but supporters insist it’s simply modernising how integrity is measured.
“Let’s face it,” said one rewards program participant. “Blocking complaints is the new transparency.”
What’s more, agencies that encourage complainants to sign deeds of silence now qualify for double points and exclusive access to ICAC’s “Invisible Ink Annual Report.”
Not to be outdone, the NSW Ombudsman is reportedly developing a rival app: “SnitchSwitch”, which turns whistleblower alerts into downloadable wallpapers – then deletes the originals for compliance purposes.
So far, the program has been a hit. “I’ve blocked seven complaints and got a muffin” said one department manager… “it’s accountability you can taste.”
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