In what appears to be a ground-breaking revelation for the United Kingdom, government officials today expressed genuine astonishment upon discovering that colonialism was not (in fact) a centuries-long holiday abroad.
“We had genuinely believed that colonialism involved little more than trading spices and enjoying local cuisine” said a visibly perplexed spokesman.
“The idea that exploiting entire continents for economic gain could have been harmful just never occurred to us.”
But this public display of collective ignorance left historians worldwide dumbfounded.
“Next they’ll tell us they thought indigenous people enjoyed their lands being stolen” said one scholar, rolling her eyes.
In response, the UK Government has promised swift action by setting up a Royal Commission to investigate precisely how British history books conveniently overlooked genocide and exploitation in favour of describing imperial expeditions as pleasant strolls in foreign lands.
When asked what prompted the sudden realisation, an official awkwardly replied “Honestly, we just Googled it…”
The UK has since proposed an urgent measure: offering all Indigenous communities a heartfelt postcard saying, “Wish you were here”, signed personally by the Prime Minister.
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