RSM Australia’s Damian Reed Named ‘Indigenous Advocate of the Year’ – By Himself

In an unprecedented move that stunned absolutely no one, Damian Reed, an illustrious leader of RSM Australia proudly presented himself with the esteemed “Indigenous Advocate of the Year” award last night.

The lavish event (held in Reed’s own Melbourne office) drew a spectacular attendance of exactly one guest: Reed himself.

Clad in a tuxedo he reportedly expensed under ‘community outreach’ Reed gave a stirring acceptance speech highlighting his tireless dedication to ensuring Indigenous communities remain just disadvantaged enough to require ongoing consultancy.

“This prestigious recognition” Reed announced tearfully to himself, “is proof that through endless taxpayer-funded contracts with Labor governments, real advocacy – for my bank account, I mean Indigenous communities – is achievable…”

Observers were particularly moved when Reed praised his visionary approach of “not solving problems too quickly” noting this delicate balance ensures continuous financial support… primarily for his consulting firm.

Concluding his speech, Reed toasted himself and promised ongoing commitment to advocacy.

“Rest assured” he declared with genuine sincerity…

“I won’t rest until Indigenous problems are solved. Well, almost solved… okay, adequately managed so as not to interrupt next year’s awards.”