Parliament Rejects David Seymour’s Bold Plan to Travel Back in Time to 1840

In what historians and time travellers alike have described as “a real shame,” the New Zealand Parliament has rejected ACT Party leader David Seymour‘s ambitious attempt to drag the nation kicking and screaming back to 1840.

Initially, Seymour’s Treaty Principles Bill promised groundbreaking reform – primarily by redefining the Treaty of Waitangi as “that bit of old parchment” and eliminating inconvenient things like Māori self-determination and partnership.

But evidently, ACT was surprised to learn that most New Zealanders (including the other political parties) were shockingly more interested in moving forward than revisiting colonial fantasies.

Moreover, the public submitted over 30,000 responses, overwhelmingly opposing Seymour’s nostalgic voyage. One Wellington local was overheard saying, “If Seymour wants to cosplay as Captain Cook, that’s his choice—but please, leave our national documents alone.”

However, despite the clear rejection, Seymour bravely framed his failure as “a valuable contribution to democracy” explaining earnestly that attempting to erase Māori rights was simply part of a much-needed conversation to secure a “free society”…

So it appears his definition of “free society” is one with fewer rights and ideally, fewer opinions contrary to his own.

On the other hand, Te Pāti Māori MP Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke summed up the national sentiment with far more eloquence: “We had two choices: to live or to die. We chose to live.”

Meanwhile, Seymour reportedly took notes (baffled) as it hadn’t occurred to him that Māori were actually quite keen on existing.

In addition, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon made it clear that the government preferred to focus on practical governance rather than Seymour’s dream of a Treaty-free utopia. Luxon’s diplomatic language translated roughly as: “We’re busy governing a 21st-century country – could ACT please stop trying to rewind history to when Indigenous people had no rights!?”

Still, Seymour remained defiant, promising supporters that “this isn’t the end” presumably already drafting a new bill proposing to officially declare 1840 as New Zealand’s “peak era”.

But ultimately, Parliament’s rejection sends a clear message: New Zealanders would rather step forward into the future, leaving colonial-era cosplay to weekend historical re-enactors and ACT Party conferences.