Caretaker Mode Activated: Indigenous Agency Proudly Announces It’s Now Officially Doing Nothing

In thrilling bureaucratic news, the National Indigenous Australians Agency (NIAA) today confirmed it has officially entered caretaker mode, transitioning seamlessly from quietly achieving nothing to proudly achieving nothing at all.

At a press conference that felt suspiciously like morning tea, Agency spokesperson Susan Bureaucrat declared”

“Caretaker mode means we have to temporarily stop our innovative strategy of supporting Indigenous communities by funding almost anyone except Indigenous people. We’re devastated. This method has been our signature move for decades!”

Agency staff morale has reportedly soared.

An anonymous employee shared that “Caretaker mode means we can finally stop pretending we’re busy… I mean, usually we have to spend all day arranging meetings to plan future meetings… but now we can skip directly to lunch without guilt.”

Indigenous communities calling the agency with pressing needs will now experience an improved answering machine message proudly stating:

“Sorry, caretaker mode means your query will be ignored officially… rather than unofficially. Please hold until after the election – then we’ll find another reason not to answer.”

When asked how communities would be affected, Susan explained, “Usually, when Indigenous communities raise urgent issues, we promise vague future consultations… and now (sadly) our hands are tied – we must promise vague future consultations only after the election. It’s quite distressing.”

Community leader Aunty Bev summarised community sentiment succinctly:

“Caretaker, non-caretaker – it doesn’t matter much… at least now they admit the lights are on but nobody’s home.”