White Cop Spared Jail After Killing Grandma, Indigenous Australia Checks if Same Deal Applies to Them (Spoiler: It Doesn’t)

In groundbreaking news surprising absolutely no Indigenous person, an Australian police officer was spared jail despite fatally Tasering a 95-year-old grandmother.

Kristian White, found guilty of manslaughter after Tasering Clare Nowland (a frail elderly woman armed with a butter knife and a walker) has been handed a penalty equal to that of someone who shoplifts Tim Tams: community service and a good behaviour bond.

Meanwhile, Indigenous communities nationwide are scratching their heads, baffled at how this judicial leniency somehow consistently misses their postcode.

“We were unaware ‘Oops, my bad’ was a valid legal defence”… said one Aboriginal community member. “Must be another one of those special ‘White Privilege’ discounts.”

Indigenous experts speculate that perhaps Aboriginal defendants just aren’t saying “sorry” convincingly enough.

“Maybe we’re using the wrong tone?” pondered a bemused Elder. “Should we cry a bit more? We’d love tips.”

Meanwhile, police training manuals are rumoured to now include a chapter titled “How to Make a ‘Terrible Mistake’ and Walk Fre – Officer Edition” though Indigenous groups have noted a suspicious lack of a companion guide: “Indigenous Edition”.

Legal observers say the real tragedy here isn’t just the death of Mrs Nowland but the widespread judicial allergy to jailing white police officers.

“At this rate, Indigenous Australians might need white officers to represent them in court” joked one advocate. “It seems the only way to access Australia’s leniency benefits.”

The officer involved has promised he “deeply regrets” the incident – just not deeply enough to actually serve jail time.

As the court clarified, jail would be “difficult” for a former officer.

Indigenous communities eagerly await the day courts similarly recognise jail as inconvenient for everyone else.